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Finding sunshine

The journey of pain, resilience and emotional sobriety

Every night,

I sleep with a desire to end my life and cut out the cord of this long suffering.
Then when i think about ending it, my mind spin around on one thing that if i end it now, I might end the pain at once but all that i have suffered hitherto would count for nothing.

Every morning,

I wake up with a thought that i have people that follow me; look up to me. So may be my only purpose is to inspire them to achieve their dreams and above the domes of the loftiest vices, the pinnacles of my virtues might aspire to address my emotional abstinence.

I get up to face the dominion of the demons and console myself to keep them at bay. I write out a piece of me; read fictions and autobiographies. I study both the weak and the strong minds to know what made them how they are/were and then absorb every dewy words that comes to my mind and scribble them down. The resilience drop down at midnight; when the mind deals more abruptly with the chaos unchained.


I mind my work and try to co-exist with my pain to heal myself. One day i hate my existence and then the other, i cherish my persistence, volatility and survival recipe. Because this is how we are right ? Always ready to make a peace treaty within ourselves since we cannot fight ourselves for a longer duration.

But today…

Standing tall at this height of the hour, I disapprove myself to be a failure for i have lost almost everything in life but i will be chagrined only when i fail these people i got to inspire. I might be burning inside out but i must not let them down for thinking so highly of me. I won’t let down those people who thinks i am strong to tackle the hell and rise from my own ashes.

At the end of the day,

In search of sunshine i found my own self, version 2.0, surfing the ocean of impossibility with my confidence and finally emitting my own aurora of positivity !

The Pos
The sunshine Panda blessing your day !

So tonight,

I’ll crawl back to my dreams to restore my sanity and keep me alive for another new day !

I don’t need a fortune teller to tell me my fortune. I have a million signs that my fortune just begun.

– Dawin (Jumpshot)

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The writer, Bipasha Banik aka the_wildfire, is a voracious reader and writes her heart out with pen dipping into the inkwell of fantasy and radiates diversified vibes. The wildfire is composed of weekend poetries, short stories and random curated insights. Ensuring beauty with chaos, she is a blogger sitting at the corridor of life , writing her regular ramblings while travelling dimensions of thoughts. Just not easy being her !

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